


In the Valley of Death

by d__T



Series: The Hardest Part is Letting Go of Your Dreams [3]
Category: Original Work
Genre: F/M, M/M, discussions of depression, rally racing, tags updated as fic progresses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-30
Updated: 2015-09-30
Packaged: 2018-04-24 02:18:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4901797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/d__T/pseuds/d__T
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of letters and texts between friends.</p><p>Deals with depression and recovery and friendship across a nation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Letter from Renholder

**Indigo-**

Sorry in advance for the long letter, but you should know by now that receiving a physical letter from me is not good news.

But neither is it bad news, so.

Sometimes I think I should have gone to a trade school. I could be happy, maybe even fulfilled as a machinist or welder. You know, making things. Here I'm just waiting endlessly for people to get back to me, so I can send the thing out to other people only to wait for them to get back to me. And they're paying me really well for it, obviously, but I hate this so much, this enforced idle productiveness.

You know, I read the style guide the other day. The _style_ guide, of all things. I now know the hex codes for all of the corporate approved colors. I don't know what I'm going to ever do with this information, but here we are.

I feel so useless. Like they could easily get someone else already working on these things and fire me and be a whole person happier and more efficient. Or I could volunteer for more work, but that hasn't worked out yet. It's like I'm trapped, throwing myself against the bars of the cage I'm in, just to hurt myself, except I haven't got the energy to move so I'm just taking it lying down. Waiting for _I deserve better_ to just happen to me even though I KNOW I have to make it happen for myself.

Indigo, I'm dying here. You knew me in college, you saw me wreck myself and there's no shying away from that. We watched each other die and resurrected each other. Over and over again. But this feels different, like if I die I won't come back stronger. My immortality is gone and the only thing left is the smallest scrap of mortality fleeing from me.

I don't know what I need (I'm lying, I need out but i don't know where to go) and I keep telling myself that everything's fine even though it's obviously not. And I keep pressing on like _tomorrow it's gonna be better_ but I know I'm lying to myself and it's getting harder and harder and harder to convince myself that I'm not lying.

Someday someones gonna ask me “How’re you doing?” And my mouth is gonna open to make the little white lie and only a scream will come out. And I won’t be able to stop.

Indigo I need you to come here and knock me in the head, 'cause doing it myself isn't working out real well.

                                                                                                  **\--Renholder**


	2. Texts

**texts from Indigo to Renholder**

> got ur letter **  
> **
> 
> dude I'm sorry
> 
> I got a race out east in two weeks. See you there?
> 
> Bring your car, I'll take you around after
> 
> text me back gdi

**texts from Renholder to Indigo**

> christ calm down you know I'm not gonna do anything
> 
> race deets gimme

**text from Indigo to Renholder**

> http://rally-america.com/events/2015/NEFR

**text from Renholder to Indigo**

> I'll be there with Shelby

**texts from Indigo to Renholder**

> damn straight
> 
> <3

 

Renholder rolls her eyes and puts down her phone, smiling.


	3. A Letter from indigo

[ Renholder- ](http://warboywhisper.tumblr.com/post/126630482367/part-1-part-3)

As you know, received your letter.

I must reiterate: you are always welcome here, and for as long as you want. You have a place to go.

I'm not saying you should jump ship asap, but I'm saying you should jump ship asap. Well, it sounds like you're drowning already, really so _freaking swim dammit_

Please, don't do that do yourself.

Don't just throw yourself at the cage, find the walls you can do without and tear them down. I know you can do it. You might not be able to see it now, but you are stronger than this.

**BELIEVE IN THE ME THAT BELIEVES IN YOU**

                                                                        Yours,  
                                                                         Indigo


	4. Race Day

Unbeknownst to Indigo, she took a day off work and registered herself as a recon vehicle for the course. By no means a professional driver, her car is kitted for commuting rather than rally racing. But that doesn't mean she can't run it hard out to her post. The speed and sliding makes her giddy and by the time she backs into place, she's laughing, a delighted grin plastered on her face.

 **R to I** : good luck!

 **I to R** : u at the start?

 **R to I** : rec v actually

 **I to R** : getting a head start I see

 **R to I** : ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

She's at the halfway point, near-abouts, so by the time Indigo goes roaring past, his blue car is already well caked in dust and mud. He's not in the lead, time wise, but close enough to get third or maybe second.

After the days races are over, and her recon vehicle tasks finished, she finds him in the after-party, his blue-black hair still all spiky and nasty from helmet sweat. Not that it really matters to the guy who's got his hand around the back of Indigo's head while trying to ply him with alcohol. Her presence unneeded for some time more, she goes to get herself something to drink, virgin and minty, before sauntering her way back over to where Indigo was laughing off the alcohol but not the advances.

Arm draped around the guy's shoulder, he spins them around when he catches sight of Renholder. "'nd this is my college friend Renholder! Gary, say hiii"

"Oh, 'scuse me for a sec, there's something I gotta do." He turns to face Renholder. "You still serious about that face shot?"

She nods, grinning. "Damn straight! Lemme just put my drink down." As quick as she says it, she puts her drink down on the floor and takes a step back.

With Gary looking confused, Indigo draws his arm back comically far and takes a swing right at Renholder's face. He pulls it just at the last second and instead of laying her down, he just gently taps her face with his knuckles. Renholder just snorts, grabs his hand to kiss his knuckles and shoves him hard back into Gary's arms. Indigo just bounces because Gary was really not expecting that.

So he drags her into a hug as Gary looks on like what the fuck. The hug is just as sweaty and nasty she expected it to be, so Indigo receives his customary "u nasty, bro" swat on the back of the head before she accepts his embrace.

She scoops her drink back up before someone can step on it and uses it to salute Gary with it. "Carry on! And good luck with my asshole brother!" She winks at him and slips back into the crowd, but as she goes, she overhears Indigo shriek "SHE'S NOT MY SISTER!" Which really should be obvious, given the difference in their skin tones.

 **I to R** : [MMS] [blurry picture of Indigo and Gary making out]  
**I to R** : joinn us

 **R to I** : nothanks  
**R to I** : u got a race to win tomorrow don't stay up too late

 **I to R** : but mooooom

 **R to I** : gooooooo toooo beeeeeeeeed  
**R to I** : asshole  
**R to I** : kiss ur boy real good for me


End file.
